The Secret Findings of Taira and Kouran
by Mizu-Ryuuseisui Inc
Summary: The two authoresses follow Yu-Gi-Oh characters around and videotape everything they do. Find out about Kaiba's secret passion, and Yami's way of picking up cards! Chapter 3 now up!
1. Kaiba and Yami Looooooooooove!

THE SECRET FINDINGS OF TAIRA AND KOURAN  
  
Taira: Hello, readers! This is what happens when Kouran and I follow different anime characters around with - yes - A VIDEO CAMERA.  
  
Kouran: Watch out. This may be scary.  
  
(This chapter's anime: Yu-Gi-Oh)  
  
Author's Note: In this fanfic, Yami and Yugi and totally different people. They do NOT both inhabit the same body. And, oh yeah, we don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.  
  
~~~  
  
Yami: ::painting his index finger with rubber cement::  
  
Yugi: ::looks over:: Uh, Yami... What are you DOING?!!  
  
Yami: Uh... ::hides his index finger behind his back:: Nothing! Nothing at all! ::runs out the door::  
  
::Later::  
  
Yami: ::sees a random person on the street:: YOU!  
  
Random Person: Me?  
  
Yami: I challenge you to a DUEL!!!  
  
Random Person: Uh, okay, but, uh, I don't really have any cards...  
  
Yami: Here! Take this random deck that I just happen to be carrying around!!!!  
  
Random Person: Sure...  
  
::During the duel::  
  
Yami: ::puts his index finger on a card and picks it up with his StickyFinger(tm):: Haha! This is the card that will DEFEAT YOU! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! DARK MAGICIAN!!!! ::puts the card down::  
  
Random Person: ::blinks as the rest of his LifePoints get wiped out:: That was fast...  
  
Yami: I AM THE BEST!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! ::walks over to Random Person:: Don't be ashamed. You did well. ::Pats him on the shoulder:: ::Tries to take his hand away, but his index finger is sticking to the man:: Um... Uh-oh...  
  
Random Person: ::winces:: I was WONDERING how you picked cards up like that...  
  
Yami: This is only the fifth time I've gotten stuck to someone, I swear!!!  
  
~~~  
  
Kaiba: ::Looks around suspiciously:: ::sees no-one:: ::goes into the bathroom and locks the door:: ::opens a secret drawer that's hidden in some obscure place:: ::takes out a tube of... (drumroll) BLACK LIPSTICK!:: ::starts applying it in the mirror:: Oh yes... Yes, it's beautiful... Yami... I love you, my darling... Don't you love my lipstick, darling?... I thought so... ::keeps talking to the mirror::  
  
Voice: Kaiba, you're on in five!  
  
Kaiba: ::wipes off the lipstick, but keeps the tube:: ::goes out:: ::waits around for a bit:: ::goes in front of lots of cameras:: Do you find that your lips lack a certain... shine? ::takes out his tube of black lipstick and applies it with exaggerated gestures:: Try... LIPSTICK! This wonder product will make even the most plain lips seem beautiful! It comes in all colors... Though black is my recommendation. ::smiles mysteriously at the camera:: Got lipstick?  
  
Voice: And... CUT!  
  
::Later, at Kaiba's house::  
  
Mokuba: ::watching TV:: ::A CERTAIN COMMERCIAL comes on:: Hey, Kaiba! This guy looks like you!!!  
  
Kaiba: ::looks nervous:: Um... he does? ::watches the commercial, embarrassed:: Um, no, that's my friend's cousin's brother's mother's sister's husband's hairdresser's friend's distant relative...  
  
Mokuba: Really? That's interesting. You know, you have some black on your upper lip...  
  
Kaiba: ::laughs nervously:: Do I? It must be from that, um, licorice I ate earlier today!  
  
::Phone rings::  
  
Kaiba: ::picks it up:: Hello?  
  
Yami's Voice: ::sniffles:: Kaiba, I thought you only wore that lipstick for meeeeeeee!  
  
Mokuba: ::listening in on the other phone:: ::eyes widen:: EWWWWWWWW!!!! ::looks over at Kaiba in horror:: I don't know him, I DON'T know him!  
  
~~~  
  
::Anzu, Jonouchi, Honda, and Yugi and walking along::  
  
Anzu: Ew, what is that awful smell?  
  
Jonouchi: I don't know! Yugi, you smell that?  
  
Yugi: ::sniffs at the air:: Um... I don't smell anything... Wait a second!!!! ::feels his face:: I don't have a NOSE!!!  
  
Anzu: ::gasp:: Wow! For all this time, we've never even noticed!!  
  
Yugi: Yeah, weird, huh?  
  
~~~  
  
Anzu: ::opens the door to Yami's/Yugi's room:: Hey, Yu - Oh! ::sees Kaiba and Yami inside:: Er, maybe I should just... leave you two alone... ::backs out and runs away::  
  
Yami: ::calls after her:: Wait, get a priest so we can be married while you're out there!  
  
Kaiba: ::happily puts on his black lipstick:: Oh, Yami, you look so... pretty...  
  
Yami: ::wearing pink lipstick and is in a dress:: Why, thank you... You don't look so bad yourself, Kaiba sweetie...  
  
Kaiba: Here, to seal the engagement... ::hands Yami a diamond ring:: For you, my love!  
  
Yami: ::eyes shine:: Oh, wow! It's so sparkly!  
  
Yugi: ::walks in, because, after all, it's his room too:: Hey, Yami - Oh, wow. ::stares:: I didn't need to see that. I am INNOCENT!  
  
Yami: Oh, Yugi, you silly boy! Kaiba and I are going to be MARRIED!  
  
Yugi: ::stares:: Oh dear. No, Yami! You mustn't! You're under mind control or... something... Marik, you'll PAY for this!!!!  
  
Marik's voice: Darn, I was having fun!  
  
Yami: ::suddenly wakes up:: Um, what am I doing in a dress? ::touches his lips:: Am I wearing lipstick?!! And a diamond ring?!! Where'd that come from? ...MARIK!!!!  
  
Kaiba: ::eyes start to fill with tears:: NOOOOO! MY LOVE!!!!  
  
Yami: ::stares:: AHHHHHHHH!!! ::runs away::  
  
Yugi: Well. That was... frightening.  
  
Anzu: ::whispers:: Did they get married yet? Oh no! Divorce them, quick!!!  
  
Yugi: No, it's okay, they split up... Kaiba, how did you get in, anyway?  
  
Kaiba: ::sniffles:: ::points to a ladder of sheets hanging out the window::  
  
Yugi: Okay, um, would you please leave?  
  
Kaiba: ::wipes away a tear and does so::  
  
Yugi: Thank goodness THAT'S over with.  
  
Yami: ::comes back in, looking normal again:: ::mutters to himself:: A dress... I was wearing a DRESS! I will kill him... I will KILL him...  
  
Jonouchi: ::comes out with a video camera:: Woo! Blackmail!  
  
Yami: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
~~~  
  
THE END (of this anime!)  
  
~~~  
  
For a picture of Yami's StickyFinger(tm) go to http://spiritofwolf.0catch.com/YAMI::S%20FINGER.JPG and look closely at his hand.  
  
For a picture of Kaiba's Black Lipstick, go to http://spiritofwolf.0catch.com/BLACK%20LIPSTICK!%20OH-NO!.JPG and check out his mouth! In the original picture it looked even more like lipstick...  
  
For a picture of Yugi's lack of nose, go to http://spiritofwolf.0catch.com/YUGI-S%20NOSE%20OH-NO!.JPG and, well, just LOOK! He - has - no - nose! This is only one of many, many pictures of Yugi without a nose. 


	2. RUINED! RUINED! RUINED! splash

O-kay, welcome back to The Secret Findings of Taira and Kouran!!!! This was supposed to have different animes for every chapter, but we had too many ideas for Yu-Gi-Oh. We've been plotting this for quite some time. We've even started roleplaying as YamiYugi and YamiBakura while dueling, watching episodes, or just when we're bored. ("Aw, look how hot I am in that picture!" "I'M HOTTER THAN YOU!!!" "You are not!!!" "Yes I am!!! Look at my gorgeous flowing hair!! YOUR hair is too spiky!" "My hair is cool!" "It is not!!!" *both glare at each other*) We ended up in a pillow fight once. I think it was because YamiYugi wasn't supposed to lose a duel, ever, and he just had. Anyway, the POINT is we've really been looking forward to this chapter!!!  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. We do own our ideas, Honda's parents, and Honda's car.  
  
~~~  
  
::Yugi, Anzu and Jounouchi are walking along, and Honda runs up to meet them::  
  
Yugi: Hey, Honda!  
  
Jounouchi: Hey, Honda, you know what I just realized? You have one weird name!  
  
Honda: Hey!  
  
Anzu: Well, it is unusual... How did your parents think of it?  
  
Honda: Well... it all started quite a long time ago... A very long time ago indeed...  
  
::Quite a long time ago, a very long time ago indeed::  
  
::We see a woman in a hospital, holding a baby, with a man standing over her::  
  
Honda's mother: Oh, honey! It's a boy!  
  
Honda's father: ::starry-eyed:: I've always wanted a son!  
  
Honda's mother: What shall we name him?  
  
Honda's father: How about Freddy?  
  
Honda's mother: No, no, no... It has to be something that MEANS something!  
  
Honda's father: ::indignant:: Freddy means something!!!  
  
Honda's mother: ::looks at her son:: Oh, look, honey, his hair is the same color as our car! (AN: Honda's parents have a really ugly car) ::gasps:: Oh, that's it!!! We'll name him after the car we drove here in! What could be more meaningful than that?!  
  
Honda's father: ::annoyed:: Freddy is more meaningful than that!  
  
Honda's mother: ::glaaaaaaaaaaaaaaares::  
  
Honda's father: Erm, I mean... Of course! We'll name him... Honda! ::takes Honda and holds him up:: ::Circle of Life music starts up::  
  
::Back in the present::  
  
Honda: So, that's always been my name. My parents have always kept that really ugly brown Honda car!  
  
Jounouchi: You must've had one weird childhood...  
  
~~~  
  
::Jounouchi is relaxing in a lounge chair by a swimming pool::  
  
Jounouchi: Ahhhh, this is nice... But it needs one more thing... YAMI!!!!!  
  
Yami: ::walks over:: What?  
  
Jounouchi: Get me a drink!  
  
Yami: Um... no.  
  
Jounouchi: Oh, really? Well, that's a shame. I guess, because I have nothing else to do, I'll just have to call the news and ask them to look over this INTERESTING video I shot of you and Kaiba...  
  
Yami: ::immediately alert:: What kind of drink?!!  
  
Jounouchi: Orange soda with ice. And a straw.  
  
Y ami: Yes, master. ::goes off and comes back with his drink::  
  
Jounouchi: Imagine... A pharoah working for little old me! You're too kind, Yami... Now fan me.  
  
Yami: ::glares daggers:: Yes, master. ::mutters:: They used to fan ME when I was Pharoah... Why, why, WHY did that Yugi kid have to solve the puzzle?!! I was happy being a wandering spirit!  
  
Jounouchi: ::grins::  
  
~~~  
  
Yugi: ::watching the news:: ::gasps:: ::picks up the phone and dials:: Kaiba! Kaiba!!!  
  
Kaiba: Yes?  
  
Yugi: I just heard on the news that there's a man named Bill Gates who just became richer than you!!!  
  
Kaiba: ::gasp:: No... NO! It can't be! NO ONE is richer than I am!!!  
  
Yugi: Yes, I'm afraid it's true...  
  
Kaiba: ::breaks down sobbing and hangs up:: ::pulls himself together:: Okay... must think... what to do?!! ::lightbulb lights up:: I KNOW!!! ::whips out a laptop:: By hacking into his bank account and transferring all of his money onto MY bank account, I can become more than twice as rich as I was, and he'll be RUINED! RUINED! RUINED!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Mokuba: ::walking past him:: ::looks scared:: Kaiba, I don't think I know you as well as I thought I did...  
  
Kaiba: RUINED! RUINED! RUUUUUUUIIIIINNNNNEEEEEDDDD!!!  
  
Mokuba: O.O ::runs::  
  
Kaiba: ::hacks into Bill Gates' bank account and transfers all of the money into his own bank account:: HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! DAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
::at the bookstore::  
  
Yami: ::looking at books - Jounouchi's giving him a break, the poor guy:: ::in the Ancient Cultures section:: Ooh... A Study of Being a Pharoah in Ancient Egypt... let's see how badly they got it wrong... Oh, this book is in the wrong section! ::picks it up:: How to Hack into a Secure System... This looks good! ::puts it into his shopping bag, along with the pharoah book:: Ooh!!! Perfect! 101 Ways of Gaining Unimaginable Power! This would make a great birthday present for YamiBakura!  
  
YamiBakura: ::over at the counter, arguing with the person at the counter:: But I don't have any money!!! ...Why don't I sell the Millennium Ring? BECAUSE I NEED IT TO GAIN UNIMAGINABLE POWER, YOU MORON!!!!  
  
Yami: ::puts the book into his bag as well and walks out the door, not familiar with the concept of PAYING::  
  
::buzzer sounds::  
  
Person at the counter: ::running over:: Sir! Sir, that's not allowed!  
  
Yami: Curses!  
  
Person at the counter: ::runs towards him... closer... closer... runs past him and apprehends Marik, who is also unfamiliar with stores in the present day::  
  
Yami: Phew!  
  
Person at the counter: ::looks at the book Marik has:: You were trying to steal our only copy of Mind-Control for Idiots! I'm afraid I'll have to arrest you for that...  
  
Yami: ::runs away::  
  
::At home, Yami looks at his new book over by his computer::  
  
Yami: So if I hit this key, I can transfer allllll the money in Kaiba's bank account to mine...  
  
::Kaiba's house::  
  
Kaiba: Lalala, I have so much MONEYYYYYYY!!!! ::envisions himself swimming in $100 bills:: ::turns on the TV::  
  
News guy: And Bill Gates has been suddenly and inexplicably ruined...  
  
Kaiba: ::crazed look:: RUINED! RUINED! RUINED!!!!!  
  
News guy: And Seto Kaiba of Kaiba Corps is, once again, the richest person on the earth... No, wait!!! ::Someone hands the news guy a paper:: It says here that Seto Kaiba has been left with a mere one hundred dollars! Seto Kaiba is also ruined!  
  
Kaiba: RUINED! RUINED! RUIN- wait a second!!!! How is that POSSIBLE?!!  
  
News guy: It says here that the new richest man on earth is, in fact, the champion duelist of the world, YamiYugi Mutou!!!  
  
Kaiba: ::gasp:: That little - !! HE STOLE MY MONEY!! I never thought someone like Yami would actually sink that low! I mean, that's horrible! Awful! Despicable! Unforgivable!  
  
Mokuba: Kaiba, isn't that exactly what you did?  
  
Kaiba: ...Oh yeah. ANYWAY! ::whips out his laptop and hacks into Yami's bank account:: SO THERE, YAMI! You will be RUINED! RUINED! RUINED! RUINED!  
  
Mokuba: ::sighs:: ::pours a glass of water over Kaiba's head::  
  
Kaiba: ::ahem:: Thank you.  
  
::Back to Yami::  
  
Yami: ::reading his book on Pharoahs:: Oooh, I found a mistake... Ugh, that's wrong... As if THAT would ever happen!!!... Oh come on, I had more gold than THAT!!! And more wives than that, too! This book is awful!! ::turns the page:: Ooh! A list of Pharoahs! Here I am! Pharoah Yami... WHAT?!!! I ruled for longer than THAT!!!! That's it!!! Now I'm REALLY angry!!!! ::pulls out pencil and paper::  
  
Dear Author,  
Let me tell you something. And trust me, I know far more about Ancient Egypt than YOU do. You see, I used to BE a Pharoah in Egypt. And you, sir, are an IDIOT. You got practically everything wrong! Your book, A Study of Being a Pharoah in Ancient Egypt, is full of very obvious errors. You desperately need someone - like myself - to tell you what was REALLY going on back then. You know NOTHING. You stupid archaeologists only think you know what happened back then. I'll tell you something: King Tutenkhamun was NOTHING compared to me!!!!!! He was a BAD, BAD ruler! He  
  
Yugi: Hey, Yami, look, you're on the news!  
  
Yami: ::quickly puts down his book and letter:: Is it talking about me, the wonderful pharoah?!!  
  
Yugi: ::turns on the TV and shows him, then walks away::  
  
News guy: ...YamiYugi Mutou is still the richest person in - no! Wait! Seto Kaiba is the richest!  
  
Yami: WHAT?!! ::hacks into Kaiba's bank account and transfers all the money back into his::  
  
News guy: Yes, Seto Kaiba is definitely - No! YamiYugi Mutou is the - no! Seto Kaiba! It appears to be a battle between these two, but Seto Kaiba appears to have won - no! YamiYugi Mutou is the richest person - no, Seto Kaiba is! No, YamiYugi Mutou! No, Seto Kaiba! No, YamiYugi Mutou! Seto! YamiYugi! Seto YamiYugi! Seto! YamiYugi! Seto! ... No, wait! Now Yugi Mutou is the richest person on the face of this earth!!  
  
Yugi: Really?! That can't be! ::pushes Yami aside and checks the balance of his bank account (since Yami has already hacked into the system):: Oh, wow! I'm rich! I'm rich!!!  
  
Yami: ::mouth drops open:: ::calls up Kaiba:: Kaiba, did you just...  
  
Kaiba: No! You must've!!!  
  
Yami: Well, whoever did it, we'll soon get the money back...  
  
Yugi: Oh, did you give me all this money, Yami?!! ::eyes fill with happiness tears:: YOU'RE SO NICE!!!!!!! ::tackles Yami to the ground hugging him and sobbing:: I always thought you were mad at me for solving the Millennium Puzzle!!! It made me feel so unwanted! But you really, really care! Waaaaaaahhh! I'm soooooo happppyyyyyy!!!  
  
Yami: ..........Okay, okay. He can keep the money.  
  
~~~  
  
::YamiYugi and his (cough, cough) good friend, YamiBakura, are walking along the sidewalk and talking::  
  
Yami: ...Now, don't get me wrong, Yugi's a sweet kid, but really, he's so SHORT!!! I mean, I was much taller when I was pharoah!!!  
  
YamiBakura: ::sighs:: Ugh, I know what you mean. Everything takes one look at Bakura and thinks he's adorable. I mean, how am I supposed to inspire terror if I'm CUTE and FLUFFY?!!!  
  
Yami: It's sad, isn't it?  
  
YamiBakura: Yes. Very, very sad. ::sighs::  
  
Yami: If only we could go back in time.  
  
YamiBakura: If only! How great that would be!  
  
Yami: Yeah. ::sighs:: But it'll never happen.  
  
YamiBakura: ::also sighs:: Never.  
  
Random Person Who Happens to be in Yami Form: Hey! I found this Millennium Tiara that lets me go back in time!  
  
YamiYugi and YamiBakura: ::slowly turn around and stare::  
  
Yami: You... I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL FOR THAT!!! ::quickly starts applying rubber cement to his StickyFinger::  
  
YamiBakura: ::rolls eyes:: Don't be stupid. We can just beat him up. You just want a chance to show off your magical dueling abilities, as USUAL.  
  
Yami: ...Fine, we'll just beat him up.  
  
::They do so::  
  
YamiBakura: Finally! We can go back in time!!!!!  
  
::They do so::  
  
::For some reason, Yugi and Bakura are also there::  
  
Yami: ::is taller and in his pharoah clothes:: (AN: Yami fans - like us - might want to note that Pharoah Yami does NOT WEAR A SHIRT. ::both drool all over the floor::) ::eyes shine:: Bakura, my friend!!! We're home!!!  
  
YamiBakura: ::is less cute and fluffy:: ::starts crying:: Oh, Yami! It's been so long!!!  
  
Yugi: ::is still short and wearing his normal clothes:: ::looks around:: Wowwwww! Is this where you lived in Ancient Egypt, Yami? ::amazed::  
  
Yami: ::looks down on him coldly:: Yes.  
  
Bakura: ::is still cute and fluffy, still wearing normal clothes:: This is sooooo cooooooool! Isn't it, Yugi?  
  
Yugi: Yeah!!  
  
::Neither of them notice all the Egyptian people gathering around to stare at what kind of freaks would wear shirts in this kind of heat::  
  
Egyptian people: ::whisper to each other:: Look, he's so SHORT! And he's so CUTE and FLUFFY! Why is our mighty Pharoah near such barbarians?  
  
Pharoah Yami: GUARDS! Take them away!  
  
Yugi: ::gasp:: But... Yami! How can you be so cruel?! I released your spirit! I solved the Millennium Puzzle! I let you duel all my battles! ::goes on and on:: Why are you doing this to me?!!  
  
Yami: To make a long story short... you're tiny.  
  
Yugi: ::gets dragged away::  
  
Bakura: You cannot drag me away! I am too cute and fluffy!  
  
Guards: ::look skeptical:: ::drag him away anyway::  
  
YamiBakura: He's finally gone! Yami, I feel so alive!!!  
  
Guards: Mighty Pharoah, do you wish us to drag him away as well?  
  
Yami: No! He's my friend! ::in an important Pharoah voice:: To show how much I care about have peace in Egypt, I have settled my differences with this... idiot... and we are now friends.  
  
Scribes: ::write down everything the Mighty Pharoah says::  
  
Yami: Dear Ra, how I missed this place!  
  
YamiBakura: Thank you so much for letting me stay in your lavish palace, Pharoah Yami!  
  
Yami: You're welcome, old friend!  
  
::In the dungeon::  
  
Bakura: Oh, no! How will we get out of this one?  
  
Yugi: I know! I'm so short and tiny that I can squeeze between the bars!  
  
Bakura: And I'm so cute and fluffy that I can melt the bars with one cute glance!  
  
::They do so::  
  
Yugi: Now to get that Millennium Tiara from Yami!  
  
::To make a long, long, LOOOOOONG story short, (haha! Short! And it's about Yugi! Get it?) Yugi and Bakura get the Millennium Tiara back from Yami. Yami fangirls are very sad, because Yami looked very cute in a tiara::  
  
Bakura: Now we can go back to our own time!  
  
Yugi: Yeah!  
  
::They do so::  
  
YamiYugi and YamiBakura: Darn.  
  
~~~  
  
Eight pages. O.o Wow. That is... long. We are impressed with ourselves. To visit the website we made specifically for illustrating parts of this fic, go to . It was so fun to make...  
  
Kouran: And Shirtless Yami is MINE!  
  
Taira: What?!! He's mine!!  
  
Kouran: MINE!  
  
Taira: MINE!!!  
  
Kouran: MINE!!  
  
Taira: MINE!!  
  
::they go on and on::  
  
ANYWAY. Coming up next chapter:  
  
Yami: ::looks around suspiciously to Mission: Impossible music:: DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN! Do do do!!! Do do do! Do do do! Da dum! DadadaDAAAA DadadaDAAAA DadadaDAAAA! Da-dum! ::strikes a Charlie's Angels pose with his fingers in the shape of a gun::  
  
Honda: ::very far away:: I hear Mission: Impossible music. I wonder what Yami's up to now...  
  
Until next time!  
  
~Taira and Kouran, Mizu-Ryuuseisui Inc.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ (mizu) O----------------------O (ryuuseisui) 


	3. Bets and disguises!

Yugi: Yami, why are you tapping your fingers?  
  
Yami: ::tapping fingers VERY LOUDLY and angrily:: I. Hate. Marik. I. Hate. Marik. I. HATE. MARIK.  
  
Yugi: ::puts a hand on his shoulder:: Now, now, Yami, we should love everyone!  
  
Yami: ::looks at Yugi:: Why did I get stuck with YOU?!  
  
Yugi: It was destiny! We were meant to be as one!  
  
Yami: ::goes back to tapping his fingers:: I. Hate. Yugi. I. Hate. Yugi.  
  
~~~  
  
YamiBakura: ::walks down the street happily::  
  
Kaiba: ::walks down the street happily in the other direction::  
  
::They bump into each other::  
  
YamiBakura: Oh... ::through clenched teeth:: Hello... Kaiba...  
  
Kaiba: ::twitch:: Hello. ::twitch::  
  
YamiBakura: ::through clenched teeth:: How... are... you?  
  
Kaiba: ::twitch:: The weather... ::twitch:: is nice... ::twitch:: Oh, I CAN'T STAND YOU!  
  
YamiBakura: Haha! I have better self control than you! I'm better than you! Hahahaha!  
  
Kaiba: Oh yeah? I have good self-control too! Better than yours! I bet you can't even be nice to me for a whole day!  
  
YamiBakura: I bet YOU can't be nice to ME for a whole day!  
  
Kaiba: I bet my entire fortune!  
  
YamiBakura: Yeah? Well, I bet all my Millenium Items!  
  
::Pause::  
  
Both: ...Whoops.  
  
~~~  
  
Yami: ::looks around suspiciously to Mission: Impossible music:: DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN! Do do do!!! Do do do! Do do do! Da dum! DadadaDAAAA DadadaDAAAA DadadaDAAAA! Da-dum! ::strikes a Charlie's Angels pose with his fingers in the shape of a gun::  
  
Honda: ::very far away:: I hear Mission: Impossible music. I wonder what Yami's up to now...  
  
Yami: ::sneaking around:: ::starts singing to the tune of the Mission: Impossible theme:: I hate Mariiiiik! I hate Mariiik! I hate Mariiiik! I hate him!  
  
Marik: ::also very far away:: I hear Mission: Impossible music... ::goes to his Rare Hunters:: Be careful. Yami is doing something. He's a very good duelist. He'll steal... your sisters!  
  
Rare Hunters: ::gasp:: No! Not our sisters!  
  
Marik: DON'T LET HIM BEAT YOU!  
  
Yami: ::throws himself on the ground behind a bush, looking suspicious:: Now, if I was Marik, where would my evil lair be? Hmm... His sister's home! ::pulls out a map::  
  
~~~  
  
::Kaiba and YamiBakura are sitting on a couch in Kaiba's house::  
  
Mokuba: Kaiba! Hi! Oh, you brought home a guest!  
  
Kaiba: Yes. ::twitch:: This is... ::twitch:: YamiBakura. My... ::twitchtwitch:: friend.  
  
Mokuba: Kaiba? Are you okay?  
  
Kaiba: ::twitch:: Wonderful.  
  
Mokuba: ...Okay... and how are you today, YamiBakura?  
  
YamiBakura: ::being evil, has issues with saying the word "good":: G – I'm g – g – guhhhhhhh – fine.  
  
Mokuba: Oh, um, that's good.  
  
YamiBakura: ::flinches at the word "good":: ::through clenched teeth:: Yes... it... is.  
  
Kaiba: Mokuba, I think you should leave us alone.  
  
Mokuba: ::getting the wrong idea:: Oh. ALONE. I... I didn't know you were like 'that', Kaiba. But, if you really want some time to be together... alone..."  
  
Kaiba: ::doesn't get it:: Yes. Alone.  
  
Mokuba: ::looking at him oddly:: O-Okay... ::goes out::  
  
::Mission: Impossible music suddenly starts playing::  
  
Kaiba: ::gasp:: Yami must be nearby! Ohhhh... Yami... my love... have you come to rescue me, my love?  
  
YamiBakura: ::whips out a tape recorder:: BLACKMAIL! ...Er, I mean... ::through clenched teeth:: It's... so... nice... that... you're... in... love... Kaiba... my... friend...  
  
Kaiba: ::snaps out of it:: Yes. ::twitchtwitch::  
  
~~~  
  
Yami: Hi, Isis!  
  
Isis: Oh, Pharoah Yami! It's you! ::bows very very deply:: Want to come in? With... me?  
  
Yami: Yes, please. ::goes into the house::  
  
Isis: So. ::seductively:: Want some... lemonade?  
  
Yami: Oh, sure, thanks!  
  
Isis: ::flirtatiously:: Can I ask you something, Pharoah?  
  
Yami: ::leans closer:: Sure.  
  
Isis: Why is Mission: Impossible music following you?  
  
Yami: ::startled:: Oh. That. Um, no reason. ::disappointed::  
  
Isis: Um, okay.  
  
Yami: So, um, where's Marik?  
  
Isis: Oh, he's upstairs with his little friends. It's so cute how they play together all day! I'm so glad that Marik has so many friends...  
  
Yami: Oh, right. Friends.  
  
Isis: Yes, I'm supposed to be babysitting the tomb, but I really don't feel like looking after that ugly, mummified, pharo... oh! I mean... that handsome, wonderful, hot... mummified pharoah...  
  
Yami: ::glares:: Ugly? Mummified?  
  
Isis: Oh. Did I say that? I didn't... Marik said it! I was just repeating it! Really! ::backs away::  
  
Yami: ::eyes glow red:: Maaaarrriiiiik. ::stomps upstairs, chanting under his breath:: I. Hate. Marik. I. Hate. Marik.  
  
Isis: ::sigh of relief:: Phew.  
  
~~~  
  
Kaiba: ::gets up:: I'm going to get some water.  
  
YamiBakura: ::immediately:: Can you get me some, too?  
  
Kaiba: ::twitch:: Of... course.  
  
YamiBakura: ::through clenched teeth:: Thank... you.  
  
Kaiba: ::goes to get the glasses of water:: ::comes back:: ::hands YamiBakura his glass::  
  
YamiBakura: ::sips it:: Can I also have something to eat?  
  
Kaiba: Why... ::twitch:: of course. You are ::twitch:: my... friend. ::twitch:: What would ::twitch:: you like?  
  
YamiBakura: ::sweetly:: Do you have any cookies?  
  
Kaiba: ::twitch:: Of course. ::brings him cookies::  
  
YamiBakura: While you were gone, I listed all the other things I want you to bring me. After all, I'm your guest. And you have a lot of money. You should give your friend some presents.  
  
Kaiba: ::twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch:: Of course.  
  
YamiBakura: ::smiles sunnily:: I'm SO glad we're FRIENDS, Kaiba  
  
Kaiba: ::twitch::  
  
~~~  
  
Yami: My disguise is flawless! ::dressed as a Rare Hunter:: ::takes out a tape recorder and switches it on:: ::sneaks into Marik's secret headquarters (his room)::  
  
Marik: ::sitting in front of a mirror brushing his hair:: ::turns around:: Oh, it's you. How's your sister feeling?  
  
Yami: My sister?  
  
Marik: ::looks at him:: Yes, your sister!  
  
Yami: Oh! Um... ::thinks of Jonouchi:: She's blind!  
  
::QUICK FLASHBACK::  
  
Anzu: Hey, Jonouchi, why is your sister still blind?  
  
Jonouchi: What? Oh, I didn't feel like paying for her surgery, so I kept the money for myself.  
  
::END QUICK FLASHBACK::  
  
Marik: Oh, that's horrible. Tell her I said hello.  
  
Yami: Sure.  
  
Marik: ::turns back to the mirror:: Do you think YamiBakura will like my hair like this? ::puts it into pigtails::  
  
Yami: What? Why?  
  
Marik: ::turns back around to look at him oddly:: You know... YamiBakura? My crush? The most beautiful, hot, sexy, power-hungry dead spirit there ever was...  
  
Yami: ::eyes widen:: Oh, right, I'm sorry. My mind was wandering, because of my sister.  
  
Marik: ::sympathetically:: I understand. ::keeps brushing his hair:: So, why did you come here?  
  
Yami: ::thinking of Jonouchi's blackmail video:: I was thinking that you should, um, defeat Jonouchi.  
  
Marik: What, Yugi's best friend?  
  
Yami: Yes. Definitely. I'm sure Yugi will be crushed. And then you can take the puzzle from him.  
  
Marik: ::strokes chin:: You know, that's a good idea. Thanks!  
  
Yami: Don't mention it! ::goes out::  
  
~~~  
  
Coming up next time:  
  
::Yami is dueling. The Dark Magician is out on the field::  
  
Yami: I play Mystical Elf in defense mode!  
  
::Mystical Elf comes on the field::  
  
Yami: And now... huh? Why am I losing lifepoints? ...Hey! Where'd my Mystical Elf go?  
  
Until next time!  
  
~Taira and Kouran, Mizu-Ryuuseisui Inc.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ (mizu)  
  
O----------------------O (ryuuseisui) 


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